My Life conundrum

CA000

I have been absent from the digital world for some time, you see, when I started this blog I had tons of things to write about and get off my chest, but day after day, I’m losing my soul; piece by piece.

I know -dear reader- you probably have your share of burdens, so why add an extra one by reading these lines? You don’t have to, I’m just casually sharing in hopes to feel better, so I apologize in advance for my dark mood.

As your Spider Bro, I’m stuck to my own web, the depression is consuming me, I’m going downhill in strides. One might ask, are you depressed in nature? No, I’m not, back in the days I used to get galvanized by the smallest things, I used to be so well-rounded, I had many friends, I was living the good life in a proper term.

Now, as time passes by, my “Happy Birthday” posts from “friends” are getting lower and lower, I’m living in a complete isolation, if the old me saw where I’m at right now, he would have had something to say about this non-sense. I’m just a silhouette figure roaming around, my mental status has affected my physical’s, I’m getting sicker -literally- every day, really, everyday I face something new: back, knee, neck problems, strains, spasms, headaches, respiratory difficulties, you name them, and I believe this is just the beginning.

5 years ago, I set a record high of not visiting a doctor in my whole life except for some few trips to the ER due to food poisoning and some burns, then, out of the blue, 4 months after transitioning to this life of stress, I’m visiting 6 to 7 doctors a year on average.

I sit back and wonder, what went wrong? What bad choices in my life did I take to end up here? I left the people who cared about me for this? I can write you a big-ass blog of how many times I got screwed over in the last 4 years, how many times I got back-stabbed by a misjudgment of mine thinking that I’m hanging with a suitable crowd.

I know that probably the fun times are over when you reach adulthood, but my worst enemy “Facebook” is telling me otherwise, a huge amount of my former friends had made something out of themselves, I see them having fun where they are currently living -maybe this was one of my mistakes to live where I’m currently living- they are kickin’ it with their wives, girlfriends and friends. Where on the contrary, my wife and I are some miserable excuses for human beings crawling on the face of this earth.

Am I against suicide? Yes, have I ever thought about it? Absolutely. I have wished like every other breathing and sane creature for many things; I have wished for a happy life: I didn’t get it, I have wished for a healthy one: not quite, I have wished to be in a place I love: not even close, I have wished for faithful friends: never mind, so on and so forth.

Everyday is a test, yes, but believe you me, I’m on a constant F streak right here… If shedding tears would help, I would shed buckets, but even my eyes passed the point of giving up a tear

I genuinely hope that you are a having a wonderful life at least.

 

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